


Alienation

by silentconventionalweapon



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Blood, Fluff, Language Barrier, M/M, Quadrant Confusion, Smut, Xenobiology, alien crash landing, davekat - Freeform, there will be smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-04
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-04-30 00:59:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5144474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silentconventionalweapon/pseuds/silentconventionalweapon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat fucks up and crash lands on Earth, where Dave finds him and attempts to help. Eventually Sollux and Terezi come looking for him, but their rescue mission seems pointless once they discover how close Karkat has gotten to that squishy alien with the dumbass shades.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> _Our secrets, you hid so well,_  
>  A time capsule the future will not find.  
> And in the belly of a catacomb, a fuselage the future will not hide,  
> Swallowed by his pride 

**Beep! Beep! Beep!**

The obnoxious noise echoes in his ears, bouncing around in his head like a nonstop alarm, trying to shake him awake from the inside. He tries to examine the damage, but is met with only a sheer coating of his own brightly colored mutant blood, trickling over the film of his eyes. It stings, and he swears. A string of hisses and clicks push out from the back of his throat- _fuck fuck shit, how could I fuck this up so badly?!_

Blindly, he searches the dashboard of the small ship and flicks a switch, shutting off the main power and shifting up the thrusters. Whatever sorry excuse for a planet he was about to crash on had a strong enough force of gravity that it would leave his ship—and likely his body—in pieces if he didn't do something to slow the emergency landing.

His communicator was still blaring through his headset, Sollux's voice yelping in his left ear, though the static-masked syllables didn't make any sense in his mind. And that's not even including the fucker's speech impediment- _fuck!_

Karkat's eyes were stinging still, acidic blood leaking through the folds of protective film and leaving him helpless. He clicks the side of his headset and barks a string of profanities at his yellow-blooded captain.

"I can't fucking understand you, this piece of shit is going down- I was fucking hit by who the fuck knows what and crash landing- fuck!" The last word stretches out into a screech of pain as the ship enters the atmosphere, being sucked in by the planet below.

"I don't know where the fuck I am, just track my location and send a rescue once I land!" Karkat is blindly searching around the dashboard for the one piece of personal property he brought with him. The slick slip of photo paper finds its way between the pads of his fingers, and he clutches it tightly as his head smacks against the seat.

Turbulence rocks his body around the small cabin, even with the straps of the seat belt secured across his body. His brain is bouncing around in his skull- he can fucking feel it- and he's sure his organs are being hammered against his exoskeleton.

_I can't die, I can't fucking die yet, not yet, not yet, not y-_

Everything goes dark as his head hits the dash, the beeping and static and sound of scraping metal filling his ears as his last thoughts echo through his mind. He slips into unconsciousness as he finally crash lands on this unknown, foreign planet.

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Camping is stupid. Dave has always hated this particular outdoor activity, but he didn't really have a choice. He was being dragged along by his brother, all because that absolute douche wanted to get some ass by impressing his adventurous prospective boyfriend. Fucking stupid. _Isn't there a better way to impress a boy? Whatever._

The younger blonde is taking his time shuffling around the rugged terrain, his already dust-coated trainers getting a fresh layer of muck across the bottoms. He pulls up the hood of his sweatshirt, shoving his hands in his pockets as he enjoys the vibrations of a particularly annoying rock—which he totally imagines is Dirk's dumb head—as he kicks it over the edge of a shallow cliff.

He's not sure how long he should give Dirk and Jake their alone time; which was code name for Dirk is finally going to admit that he is head over heels for that British fucker and hope it ends in sloppy makeouts. Dave didn't care. He figured he would keep kicking rocks over this sorry excuse for a stone diving board until he felt the need to sleep.

His eyes turn to the sky, and he exhales as he takes in the view of the night sky. If there's one thing he admires about being out in the country is the satisfyingly clear view of the stars. He could even make out a strip of the Milky Way in the distance. It was fucking beautiful, really. Texas has few gems within the gritty, shit filled territory, and this is one of them.

Dave fishes his phone out of his pocket, holding it up to get a clear shot of the shimmering stars and planets. He snaps a photo. One more, then two- _hey I should try out that panorama feature_ —when something catches his eye in the motion-detecting viewfinder.

"Holy shit," his voice is as stale as the dirt beneath his feet, even when there's nobody around to notice. _Is that a shooting star?_ He swears it looks like it's on fire- and fuck it's pretty close. _Shit, it's actually landing right down there!_

The reverberations beneath his feet shock him, and he stands there, ogling the flaming mess in the distance. It's only about half a mile away—and before he finishes that thought, Dave is skidding down the cliff and sprinting towards the wreck.

Three minutes later and he's closing in on the simmering hunk of metal, his footfalls get heavier as he gets closer and his brain tries to catch up with what his eyes are seeing. Yeah, that's definitely a fucking spaceship. Alien looking, for sure. The flames are dying down and he can see through the shattered window of the hub that there's someone inside, head hanging down at an unnatural angle with bright red blood trickling down their face.

Dave isn't one to allow suffering to any creature, alien or otherwise, so he shoves the shock to the back of his mind as he lunges forward and climbs up to the ship. He's ignoring the scrapes that the shards of glass leave on his arms as he eventually untangles the creature from the seat and pulls him out. He loses his footing and lets out grunted profanities as he tumbles backwards into the dirt, the alien flopping on top of him like dead weight.

"Ew, fuck," he shoves the body off of him and wipes his face clean of the foreign blood. After his vision is clear, he leans in closer to the creature, using the dim light from the dying flames to study its features.

It's humanoid in shape, two legs, two arms, a built torso and broad shoulders beneath the jumpsuit. There's a cracked headset buzzing with static around the alien's oddly shaped ear. Dave digs past the course black hair, matted to the alien's head with dried blood, and pulls the communicator off, squinting at it through the darkness. The foreign technology didn't seem too much more advanced than Earth's. He turns the device over in his hands when the creature makes a horrifying noise—something that sounds like an unholy combination of the clicking of a cicada and growl of a wolf –and Dave flinches backwards.

The alien rolls his head against the dirt, his hissing and grumbling slowly morphing into unrecognizable syllables of a strange language. Clawed hands twitch at his sides, until one lazily drags its way up to his head, fingers searching for the headset that was no longer there. He growls again, what sounds like one word—likely a profanity, from what his tone indicates—and he begins to squint his eyes open.

Dave reels back even further as he sees the creature's pupils- elongated slits- focused upon him. He opens his mouth to speak, greet the alien, ask if he comes in peace and all that cliche bullshit, but he finds himself paralyzed. He can only stare in shock, his mind trying to process what he's seeing, as the creature begins to click and growl in that strange alien language.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _It's like a mobile phone that can't phone home-  
>  it's an endless ringing...  
> and it's a silent drone..._

Holy fuck his head is pounding, aching like a thousand musclebeasts kicked him in the skull and then tossed him over the edge of a four story hive building. Karkat was sure his brains had been reduced to a slushy mess of neurons, only working enough to convey to him how much pain his body was in.

"Shit…fucking shitty shit," he grumbles in a lazily slurred huff. His hand can't seem to find his headset, so he squints his eyes open to search his surroundings. Once his eyes tear up and clear his vision of blood, he finds himself staring up at a star-dotted sky. His vision is too blurry to pick out the exact positions of the far off solar systems so he could gauge where exactly he was.

The second thing Karkat realizes, with a chilling fear running down his body, is that he's lying on his back, not in his ship.

"Fuck," he clicks in a hushed tone, his eyes going wide as he painfully turns his head. It feels as though needles are prickling across his skin as he sees the figure staring at him through the dark, and he recognizes his communicator headset in the strange creature's meaty hands.

"Give it…give it back," Karkat demands as he stretches out a hand. "Give it back and I'll consider sparing you a horrifyingly painful death, shitstain."

The other creature just stares at him, before opening his mouth and voicing a clunky, soft sounding string of sounds in an unrecognizable language.

_He doesn't know Alternian? And doesn't even have a translator? Where the fuck am I…_

Karkat groans as he forces his body to sit up, and he reaches for the creature. Getting closer, he can see that their builds are oddly similar. This alien looks weaker than Alternians though, very soft and pale and thin. His claw grabs at the foreigner's shoulder and pulls him closer with what little strength he has left, and presses their lips together in a frustrated growl.

His tongue slips past the alien's flat, dull teeth and slides down his throat. He can feel the other gag, and can only roll his eyes at the pathetic nature of it. Half way down the other's throat, his tongue retracts, and he pulls his mouth away, grimacing as his mouth receptors pull the stranger's language into his brain.

"H…hello?" Karkat tries out this newly acquired language. It tastes bitter and soft. He already doesn't like it.

"Holy shit," the creature finishes wiping his mouth and his eyes go wide. "Holy fuck you're speaking English now."

"English?" Karkat grimaces. "Is that what your planet is called?"

"No dumbass, English is the language. This is planet Earth," he smirks. "You must be a shitty alien if you don't even know what planet you're on."

"A…alien?" Karkat frowns, the translations still working rather slowly in his shaken up brain. "Try again, fuckhead, you're the alien here. What's your species called? What are you?"

"Uh, human? Specifically, I'm Dave," he squints, eyes scanning Karkat again. "And what are you?"

"Dave Human," Karkat grunts as he forces himself to his knees, wobbling a bit. "Bring me to safety so I can finish healing. That's a fucking order." He squeezes his eyes closed as a wave of vertigo hits him, and the dizziness nearly knocks him over again. It must have shown visibly, because Dave is suddenly grasping his shoulders.

"Woah, dude, slow down, you just pulled a fuckin Roswell here, maybe you should chill for a bit," Dave steadies him, forcing him to sit back down.

There is a deep growl in Karkat's chest, and he spits out a handful of Alternian insults before he's able to open his eyes again and glare at the human. He raises a shaking hand to his wrecked ship, which had long sense stopped burning.

"Get the case beneath the seat, bring it to me," he orders with another growl.

Dave flinches at the noise, but listens with little resistance. Karkat closes his eyes again as he waits, a hand going to the dirt to keep himself from falling over, when his fingers brush against a filmy slip of paper. His heart sinks in his chest as he scrambles to brush it off and bring it up to his face, squinting to look at the photo. Thankfully he was able to save it with himself, there wasn't even a tear in the flimsy thing.

His anger seems to melt away as he stares into the photo, pain and sorrow bubbling up in his chest in its place. The girl in the picture isn't looking at the camera. She's got her eyes squeezed shut, a big grin on her face—she was giggling when he snapped this one, and it ended up being his favorite.

Her name clicks in the back of his throat in the most beautiful way possible. He repeats it, rubbing the pad of his thumb over the photo.

"Who's that?"

Karkat flinches as the human appears behind him, leaning over his shoulder and staring at the picture in his hands. He immediately holds it close to his chest and lets a growl rumble from his throat.

"None of your fucking business, _Dave Human_ ," he snaps. "Did you retrieve my box?"

"Yeah dude, right here," Dave drops the container in the dirt, then sits down right next to it. "So what, is that your alien girlfriend or something?"

 _Girl…friend? Yeah, that one doesn't translate correctly…_ Karkat frowns as he reluctantly shows the human the photo, letting her name click out from the back of his throat again.

"Uh…in English?"

Karkat huffs, shooting him a glare. Ten minutes on this miserable planet and he's already about to strangle the only life form he's come across. "It's…difficult to translate a name," he sighs, looking down at his photo again.

"Hey, you never told me your name," Dave gives his shoulder a shove. "No wait, don't tell me, I wanna call you Spock."

"What?" he glares, before shaking his head. He lets his name rumble and click in the back of his throat, before thinking for a moment. "I…I guess a close syllable by syllable translation would be…Krr-kat Va-nt-ahh…ss?"

"Karkat Vantas? Man that's a lot more lame than I was expecting," Dave huffs, leaning back on his hands. "Sounds cooler in your clicky language."

" _Alternian_ ," he corrects with a snarl.

"Right, Alternate, whatever," he waves his hands around, blatantly mispronouncing the name. "So now that you've got your box and can understand me, mind telling me why you found it necessary to shove your tongue down my throat? I mean, I get that I'm irresistible, even by interspecies standards, but the smooch was pretty straight forward. Coulda taken me out for dinner or something first if you wanted to romance me."

Yeah, Karkat didn't get much of that, except for the romance part, at which he grimaces and snatches his container away from Dave.

"I have no fucking clue what you were blabbering about in your primitive fucking language, but there was nothing blatantly romantic about my tongue appendage going down your throat hole," he grumbles as he flicks the locks on the case. "The receptors in my mouth can detect the ones in yours that link to the language center in your brain. That's how I acquired the knowledge of your Human English speaking patterns, which by the way, is a numbly fucking awful language. The fact that my thinkpan hasn't obliterated itself yet while I've been forced to communicate to you with these disgustingly dull linguistics is a miracle within itself."

Karkat pauses, his eyes going wide in thought as he glances up into open air. "Miracle…shit, that might be one word that sounds better in this shitty excuse for a language," he mutters to himself before going back to unlocking his case. "Better inform Gamzee of that one next time I see his sorry ass."

"Who's Gamzee, the alien babe in the picture?" Dave sounds incredibly bored.

"No, fucknuts, he's—never fucking mind," Karkat groans as he pulls out a sack of goo from the box. "Is this place safe to sleep? Is your hive nearby?"

"Uh…my brother's campsite is about a mile back that way," Dave points a thumb over his shoulder. "There's a lot of dangerous shit out here at night, so we should probably head back to camp, though I'm not sure how he'll react to a fucking alien…"

Karkat is already stumbling to his feet, struggling to keep his balance as he rises up, squinting into the distance. "Good. Take me to your littermate's location of safety so I can recover," he pauses, wincing at the pain brought upon by such sudden movement. "And if you try to fuck me over in any way, I promise I _will_ kill you."

Dave just snorts at this, shrugging his shoulders with doubt as he leads the way back through the desert. For the millionth time in the past few hours, Karkat is cursing himself and his stupidity for getting into this awful situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the comments everyone I really appreciate it!  
> sorry this chapter is a bit short, I'm working on a lot of other projects right now


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _It’s a passenger, a messenger,_   
>  _a hectic and hysterical inside-_   
>  _They throw away our nation’s pride_   
>  _and caution to the wind..._   
>  _like bank notes in the bin_

It's not until Dave is literally helping a hobbling alien into his tent at his brother's campsite that his brain finally starts realizing the absolute fucking insanity that _holy shit he is helping a real live alien into his goddamn tent._ What the fuck is going on with his life right now?

Dirk's tent was quiet, but there was the faint glow of a flashlight within, and as Dave glanced over, he could see the shadows of the two older teenagers sitting across from each other. Yeah, he didn't want to get involved in whatever nauseating romantic talk was happening in there. Guess his brother could wait until morning to see the injured alien.  
Speaking of which, Karkat isn't looking too great right now. A few minutes into their walk back, the loudmouth got unusually quiet, seeming to focus all his energy on getting to safety. Now, as Dave lay him down on the floor of the tent, his body was practically limp, eyes squeezed shut and face twisted into an expression of pain.

"Yo man, you alright?" Dave asks in a hushed tone as he sits beside the alien.

Karkat offers a string of hisses and clicks in response, curling up on his side. His hands tremble as he struggles to tear open the little sack of slime he carried back with him. Dave rolls his eyes and snatches it up.

"Gimmie that dude," he huffs and rips off a corner of the baggie. "What, uh…is this food? You gotta drink this?"

Another fucking hiss. But this time, he offers a glare. Communication baby steps.

"No, bulgelick, I'm not that fucking desperate," his hoarse voice grates as he snatches the bag back. He scoops two fingers into the goop and slathers it across his forehead, visibly relaxing as it makes contact with his skin. His fingers dip in for more, then circle around the nubs on top of his head.

Dave just sits there dumbly and watches, wide-eyed and soaking in this foreign information. That is, until the bag of slime is being thrust in his direction.

"Put some over the injury on my shoulder," Karkat hisses weakly. His body goes limp, a low clicking echoing from his throat as Dave complies, grimacing at the texture of the substance.

"Hey, what is this shit? Some alien healing goo? Will it work on me? Cuz I've got this nasty scar on my chest that still stings sometimes, and I know how much babes love scars but ya gotta draw a line somewhere, ya know? Shit fuckin hurts and there’s nothing cool about that…dude are you listening to me?" Dave raises an eyebrow as he leans over the alien's body, frowning when he sees the creature's eyes are closed. Yeah, that fucker fell asleep while he was talking to him. Whatever.

He sets what remains of the slime in the corner of the tent, wiping the residue on his hands against Karkat's arm—because hey who the fuck knows if this shit is safe for humans or not.

Humans. As opposed…whatever the fuck Karkat is. Because he _isn't_ human. Because he's a goddamn alien.

"Holy _shit_ ," Dave sighs in awe to himself, leaning back on the palms of his hands. "Holy fucking shit, I just dragged an alien into my tent."

He stares at the still body beside him, his mind spinning and racing at a million miles per second, and at the same time, so eerily still. This feels like a dream, like some fucked up coma nightmare as a result from eating one too many cheesy crackers and then dozing off while going for a late night drive. He feels like he should wake up any second now, sit up and shake this dream from his head and go about the rest of this horrible camping trip all alone, without a fucking alien lying next to him.

But it's all too real, and Dave knows that, and it terrifies him a little. He looms over Karkat's body with scientific intrigue.

The goop slathered across the alien's forehead leaves a shimmering glow along his skin, bringing out the concrete-grey tone. There are few darker grey spots speckled across his cheeks and nose- _freckles?_ -and beneath his closed eyes, there are deep bags and dark, intense crescents. Whether that was a normal part of the alien anatomy or not, Dave immediately thought it made the creature look exhausted.

His gaze wanders to the nubs on Karkat's head, mostly buried in a sea of knotted, tangled black hair. It's impossible to see if those things are connected to his head, or just some sort of headset, much like the communicator he had on earlier. The human really didn't feel like playing hairdresser and combing through the course mess of locks just to find out, so he adds that to the list of questions he'll ask Karkat upon his awakening.

 _Shit, this is just too insane._ Like a really bad scifi movie that can't even be enjoyed ironically because it tries too hard to be serious. Dave pauses to run a hand through his hair, grimacing at the way it easily slicks back with sweat. 

In the midst of disbelief and thick suspicion of being on a prankish game show, Dave delves further into investigation. The alien's cheek isn't slathered in slime, so he experimentally slides the pad of his thumb across it. It's rough, thick, but has some squishiness beneath that exterior. Karkat's teeth are sharp and jagged, poking out from his chapped black lips and, _ew yeah apparently aliens don't have dentists._ What a mess. Dave flashes back to when that mouth was violently pressed against his, and realizes it's a damn miracle that his face wasn't torn to shreds when Karkat's tongue was probing his throat.

_That was…ugh, no thanks._

Dave wipes his mouth again, for the hundredth time since that incident, knowing he won't ever get rid of the muscle memory of having the alien appendage slithering down his throat and then back up again. Disgusting. What's even worse is that was his first kiss of the summer—though he would hardly count it as a kiss. Never mind the way it made his chest seize up and how his breath got caught in his throat and how, when so fucking close, he could see the flecks of red within the darkness of Karkat’s eyes and it made him feel a bit more at ease and intrigued. He would swear up and down that he didn’t like it because, hey, that was basically an unwanted assault of the mouth, but if he was admiring it so much in retrospect, was it really unwanted? 

_Fuck, no stop. You’re so fucked up._

Dave silently curses himself as he pointedly turns away from the alien’s sleeping form. He sits back on his legs, once again running a hand through his hair with a sigh. He misses Jade so suddenly it hurts his chest. Normally he would just send her a text or something, but he gets zero cell reception out here in bumblefuck nowhere camp grounds. It would have to wait until tomorrow evening when they head back into town. Until then, he would have to settle for dreams, hoping that some sleep would help calm his mind and his heart. And as difficult as it is to sleep beside a creature who may or may not be incredibly dangerous, Dave finds himself entirely too exhausted to care as he drifts off into unconsciousness.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _You tell me I'm a grain of sand in an hour glass._   
>  _So throw me a landline-- this is more like a land mine._   
>  _Just one crossed wire,_   
>  _and you'll blow the floor beneath our feet..._

Karkat slowly drags himself out of his unconsciousness, feeling groggy and sore all over. He is also slightly disorientated… _very_ disorientated. His head is spinning and he can hardly see straight. As he sits up to rub his eyes, flakes of dried sopor flutter down onto his lap, jumpstarting his memory of the previous night.

" _Fucking shit,_ " he clicks in Alternian, turning to see the alien creature beside him. Human Dave was unconscious, thank fuck. Karkat really didn't want to deal with him and his mind numbingly obnoxious language. All he wants to do now is get back to his ship and fix his communicator so he can call Sollux to get his sorry ass off this primitive planet. But as he moves to crawl over Dave and out of the tent, curiosity gets the best of him. He pauses, hovering over the human and glowering down at him.

It's easier to study his features with light pooling in through the tent. The human's skin is pale, as he noticed the previous night. Disgustingly light– _almost a Rainbowdrinker's shade_ – and littered with freckles. His hair is oddly pale as well, fluffing up with tangles, longer on the top that it is in the back. And he's got no horns—a trait as nauseating as raw, empty eyesockets; he had a hard time not gagging at the sight of it—and his ears are weirdly flat and round, with discs protruding from the bottoms. Was that something like a highblood body modification? Fucking weird. _Disgusting,_ even. No wonder The Empress wasn't jumping the proverbial gun on taking over this planet. These human creatures hardly looked well enough to be fit for anything other than annoyance and death.

Karkat drags himself back to his original goal, before he got distracted by the nauseating thing he was looming over. He peels back the entrance of the tent and squints out at the light. He's not stupid, he knows this planet's center star isn't as strong as the one in Alternia's solar system (plus the ozone layer was thicker, something he remembered from his crash landing), but he's still apprehensive about the light.

An experimental hand reaches out with hesitation, followed by a sigh of relief. His skin doesn't immediately burn and blister up, so he knows that he's safe. Besides, his ship isn't too far from here, as his poor memory of the previous night indicated. Even if the sun was strong, it wouldn't take him too long to get there.

"Gosh, do you think we should wake him?"

Karkat freezes at the sound of the foreign voice. _Who the fuck is that?_

"Nah, let him sleep in," a second voice speaks. "If he's not up by the time lunch is ready then I'll get him up."

_Shit shit shit shit shit_ —Karkat's mind is racing as he scrambles to Dave's side, shoving him harshly in an attempt to wake him. The human groans, swatting his hands at him sleepily.

"Wake the fuck up, you pathetic excuse for a life form!" Karkat whispers harshly. "You can finish your shitty dreams at a time that is less inconvenient for the rest of the world, now _wake up you stupid fucker!_ "

"Fuckin hell Jade, I knew you missed me but don't gotta be so rough," Dave grins sleepily, his eyes still closed and stuck within a dream, no doubt.

"I will fucking bite you, I swear," Karkat growls, glaring down at the human.

After another rough shove, Dave's eyes pop open, his expression shifting immediately into one of annoyance. He groans as he sits up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as his brain tries to process the events from the previous night. Though the alien beside him doesn't give him much of a chance to think.

"Listen up, bulgelicker, there's other humans out there," Karkat says in his attempt to whisper. It's still pretty damn loud. "I need to get back to my ship and get the fuck off this miserable planet, so get your disgusting ass up and help me!"

"Dude it's just my brother and his boyfriend," Dave yawns, still rubbing at his eyes. He searches blindly around the floor of the tent until he finds his shades. Slipping them over his face, he groans again, tilting his head to the side to pop his neck.

"Ugh," Karkat grimaces in disgust.

"What?"

A beat of silence, and the alien just shakes his head. "Nothing, just…get me the fuck out of here."

"Dave?" a voice sounds from outside the tent.

"Yeah man, what is it?" Dave calls back.

The tent rustles as it's being unzipped from the outside, and Karkat does what is probably the least elegant scramble to hide from the intruding human. Though his sharp whispered profanities in an alien language aren't doing much to keep himself hidden.

"Uh…you got company there?" Dirk quirks an eyebrow as he ducks his head inside the tent, pointing a finger at the messed lump beneath a blanket.

"What? Oh, right, yeah," Dave twists around to glance at the poorly hidden lump that was Karkat. "Somethin' real fucking crazy happened last night."

"You finally got laid?" Dirk smirks.

"Ew, dude, no," he denies, but his face is tinted pink.

"Excuse me!" Jake shoves his way into the entrance of the tent. "Now I know it's none of my business, but if I find out you've betrayed dear Jade's trust in any way, I-"

Jake is interrupted by a string of hisses and clicks, followed by a low growl as Karkat finally flings the blanket off himself. The alien looks like he's about to slaughter them, something sharp and glinting in his hand as he glares at the humans with his yellow eyes.

"What the fuck is that?" Dirk only sounds mildly surprised. Jake, however, immediately has his hand on his belt, ready to unhook his pistol. 

"Shut the fuck up, you idiotic _fuckfaces!_ " Karkat yells, a deep growl still rumbling in his chest. "Holy _fuck_ , I thought just one of you moronic flesh monkeys was bad, but when two or more of you get together, it's like a nonstop word vomit party. Do humans not know the meaning of the phrase _'shut the fuck up'_? It seems to translate just fucking fine in my head, so I know you have the capacity to understand! Maybe _‘snap your word hole closed for five fucking minutes’_?” His claws grip at his head, tugging at his hair. “Holy shit, get me off this miserable planet!"

"Karkat," Dave glowers at him.

"No, Dave Human, I am not done here!" he points his weapon- which Dave can now see resembles a sickle- at him with a glare. "Take a time out and rest your over-fried thinkpan, because apparently you weren't unconscious long enough during your rest hours to fully recuperate—unless this level of obnoxious stupidity is your norm. In which case, my need to get off this shitty rock is even more desperate!"

"Karkat, shut up," Dave frowns. "You're being real fuckin rude here."

"Rude? _I'm_ being rude? Hah. Hah! _You're_ the one who-”

“That’s enough!” Jake suddenly yells. Karkat’s eyes go wide as he is suddenly staring down the barrel of a handgun. 

“Woah,” Dave sounds genuinely surprised. “Bro, you wanna calm your boyfriend down?” He holds one hand up in defense, the other going to Karkat’s hand to get him to lower the weapon.

Dirk’s cheeks flush pink but he ignores it, placing a hand on Jake’s shoulder. “As much as I appreciate you defending us, I don’t like how close that pistol is pointing at my little bro.” 

“You know as well as I do that I’m an incredibly accurate shot,” Jake responds, not taking his eyes off Karkat. 

“Insert dick joke here,” Dave snarks. 

“... _what’s a dick?_ ” Karkat mutters, glancing over at him. 

A beat of silence, filled with Dirk’s smirk, Dave’s snickering, and finally, Jake cracks a grin and huffs out a laugh. He finally lowers his pistol, though keeps a firm grip on it. 

“Crimany, I can’t decide what to focus on here,” Jake continues with a giggle. (Yes, _a genuine goddamn giggle_ , just when Dave thought he couldn’t get any more obviously effeminate. He had to admit it was kind of cute, he could understand what Dirk saw in the guy.)

“How about the fact that there seems to be a…an alien? Here in Dave’s tent,” Dirk says, a serious tone lacing his voice once again. “Care to explain?” 

Dave lets out a heavy sigh, flopping back on his sleeping bag. “I am so fucking tired, can we please talk about this after a couple hours of sleep?” 

“Fine,” Dirk answers, surprisingly. He turns to Karkat. “We’ll just talk with _you_ then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate everyone's comments, thank you very much for reading and such.  
> The inspiration for this story, as well as the title and lyrics at the beginning of each chapter are from the song Alienation by Morning Parade.


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